Contributed by Nancy Wells -
8/5/1999
Stephen Covey has some great ideas
for writing a "Family Mission Statement" in his books: "7 Habits of
Highly Effective People" and "7 Habits of Highly Effective Families."
He suggests that you sit down as a family and decide what everyone in
the family wants the family to be like and to stand for. Then you write
up the mission statement together. Since it's created by everyone,
the kids are more likely to follow it, rather than just something the
parents came up with, because they "own it" too.
In a recent Youth Conference we had, we went to Nauvoo. It was a 3 day
trip. Our Stake had divided us up as families with parent couples.
My husband and I were a parent couple with 8 kids. At the very
beginning, when our "family" was getting acquainted, we
sat down with "our kids" and talked about the kind of family we wanted
to have and what we would have to do to have that kind of family. Then
we all behaved that way during the next 3 days. At our family testimony
meeting the kids all said what an ideal family we had had and that they
didn't want it to end. (which was a great parable for temple marriage
and how long you want your families to last--just for time or for all
eternity) I think the key, though, was letting the kids have a part in
coming up with the ideas for how to make our "family" the way we wanted
it to be. Of course, it's easier to be ideal when it's only for 3 days
and you're getting to know these new people you've not been in a family
with before, but the principles we applied there to make our family
ideal, are also the same principles that would make our real families
ideal. (The one that made the biggest difference [that I could see] was
to always say positive things to each other--no running others down. It
really worked!)
One of the other things that I noticed that seemed to bond our family
was working together. Our Stake decided that rather than just "take"
from Nauvoo, we wanted to "give" something to them in return for all
they gave us. So we organized some service projects and each family did
one. (Our family helped to re-mulch the visitor's center on a hot day)
But working together really made a difference in bonding us together.
Then, spending all our time together for a few days helped. In order to
bond you MUST spend quality time together, and that can only come from
quantity time (you can't exactly plan or force quality time--it comes
when you spend quantity time).
The last thing that really boosted our love for each other was our
family testimony meeting. First we walked down the Trail of Hope
(Parley Street--where the Saints drove their wagons down to the
Mississippi to cross it and start their trek west). We took turns
reading the journal entries written by the pioneers that were posted
every few feet of the trail. At the end we found a grassy spot and
handed out some letters the kids' parents had written to them expressing
their love for them. After the letters, the kids' hearts were really
softened. Then we opened up to them about some of the hard things we had
faced in our youth and bore our testimonies to them and the kids really
opened up and confided the difficult things they were facing in their
lives. Because we had been building each other for the two days we had
already been together, I think they felt safe to disclose their
innermost feelings and struggles. Oh, Alice, our youth are facing such
difficult trials in their lives. I see the great wisdom of our Church
leaders in issuing the Proclamation to the World on the Family. It is so
important to have strong families!
Anyway, we had a wonderful testimony meeting and I know testimonies were
strengthened and so were the youth by this great experience.
The one thing from this experience that really built testimonies in our
youth was visiting Carthage. They had always heard about it and of
course just studied it in Seminary last year, but it really brought to
life what the Prophet went through for the Truth's sake and
showed his dedication to the Lord. Their testimonies were strengthened
and their hearts were touched. It was a great experience.
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