Back in July I posted a request for help on a parent-teen relationship workshop I was going to give at youth conference. I received a few suggestions, which were a great help - thank you! I now would like to share the outline I ended up with.

To catch the youth's attention, I used two four foot long 2X4's with four rope handles coming up from each one (so you could hold the ropes while standing on the 2x4's). I had four sacks with clothing I had picked up at Goodwill (we don't have Deseret Industries here) to represent a dad, mom, brother, and baby sister. To complicate things a little, I made sure each 'family member' had something to hold in their hand in addition to the rope handles i.e. briefcase, baseball glove, mixing bowl, toy. After four youth dressed in the clothes, they were to work together - with the dad leading, to walk on the 2 X 4's across the room. The point being that a family needs to work together to progress.

Points I made (some taken from John Bytheway's tape, 'Tour de Family'):

Praise: Praise your parents in front of your friends: Mom is so cool, etc. Leave post it notes around the house for your parents/siblings. I passed out post-it note pads that they wrote their names on the front note, then notes to their family members on the notes underneath. That way, their notes would not be seen by others. I gave them time to complete a few. I hoped they would go home and start leaving them around. I know my 15 year-old son left some around our house. His siblings loved it - o.k. I did too!!!! Which was my goal!

Give, rather than get: Notice when a room is dirty. Do dishes without being asked, etc.

Communicate: Use "I feel" statements to express your feelings instead of accusing parents of something. Have a little role-play with good and bad examples of parent/teen communication. How well do you know your parents? By knowing more about them, you understand more of their point of view. I then had a parent survey sheet that I gave them time to fill out, asking questions like:

• What is your mom's favorite movie?

• What was your parent's first date?

My purpose was to make them realize that they might not know some things about their parents, things that might explain some of their quirks. Knowing more about their parents will help with communication and help determine the way touchy subjects ought be approached. I encouraged them to, sometime during the week, ask their parents the questions they did not know. One YW came to me the next Sunday and told me she found out her Dad was baptized in the Atlantic ocean while he was serving in Vietnam. She had not known this.

Respect: Do you treat your parents as well as you treat your friends? How do you treat them differently?

Example: This goes both ways. (Parents make mistakes, too.) Remind them that Nephi asked his father where to hunt for food after even Lehi had murmured when Nephi's bow broke. Nephi could have prayed himself, but he went to his father. What a great example he was to Lehi!

Testimony: Helaman's warriors did not doubt their mother's knew it. They didn't say, "We know it." It's o.k. to lean on your parents when your struggling or challenged. But continue to work for your own testimony.

Prayer: During family prayer, pray for your parents and siblings by name. I told of how during my father's turn for family prayer, his voice always trembled when he prayed for his children. We KNEW he loved and cared for us.

Follow counsel: Your parents give you guidelines, many that they take from the church. Like 'don't date until you're 16'. If you follow their counsel and the counsel of the prophets-trying to be like Jesus, you will have greater opportunity for happiness and joy. That is what your parents desire for you!

This is just my workshop in a nutshell. I threw in some positive personal experiences and other scriptures, as well as encouraged them to make suggestions of what worked for them. I felt good about each of the three workshops - each was a little different because the groups were different with the discussions taking on different emphasis according to their comments.

I hope this will help somebody or generate some ideas for things that you might be working on!

Strengthening the Family