|
How Will They Know Unless We Teach Them So?”
September 2003 Open House
Susan W.
Tanner
Young Women General President
Divine Identity
When our
children were small, my parents served a mission in San Diego. For
Christmas we drove there to see them. Of course, my mother needed to
have her grandmother arms filled with her sweet little ones. On one
occasion she held our little blond curly-headed Becky on her lap. As she
looked into her sparkly big blue eyes, she said tenderly, “I love you
Becky.” And Becky looked back and replied, “Everybody does, Grandma!”
I love this
story because of Becky’s confidence in feeling loved. Everyone should
feel that way, but something happens to our young women between the
years of three and thirteen which causes that beloved self-image to
deteriorate. I want them to be as convinced as Becky was that they are
loved, especially loved by their Father in Heaven.
We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us.
When I was
first called as Young Women general president, I was overwhelmed. I
hadn’t served in Young Women for several years; but that very first
sleepless night I kept repeating in my mind, over and over again, the
first line of the Young Women theme: “We are daughters of our Heavenly
Father who loves us and we love Him.” I thought about young women all
over the world who repeat it in their singsong way. I wondered if they
think about what they are saying, if they understand what it teaches. Do
they feel it, and know it, and act upon it? I soon had a chance to ask
some girls about this.
How do our young women know Heavenly Father loves them?
My dear
friend is the Primary president in our ward. She knew I had a busy
schedule, but she had no idea about the call I had just received. She
called me that next Sunday morning and said, “I need a substitute for
the 11- and 12-year-old girls. I know you are too busy right now to do
this, but the Spirit just keeps telling me to ask you.” I couldn’t tell
her then how profoundly grateful I was for that privilege. I wanted to
see the faces of the girls, to feel their spirits, and to know of their
testimonies, to understand them, to know what their challenges were, and
especially to know if they knew and how they knew that Heavenly Father
loved them. This was the perfect opportunity.
I asked the
girls when I taught them how they knew Heavenly Father loved them; and
they were quite reluctant to respond out loud, so I had them write their
thoughts on a paper. As they were writing, they muttered such things as,
“This is hard,” and “I don’t know if I do know.”
Then at my
first good opportunity, I also asked my grown children, “How do you know
Heavenly Father loves you?” One knew by His abundant blessings. One felt
it when he was out in nature. Another knew when she prayed. Another knew
when she gave birth to her first baby. Another said that sometimes he
doesn’t know, and in those moments he remembers the times when he has
felt God’s love in his life and that sustains him through the uncertain
times. Another one said that being in a good family helps her to know
her Heavenly Father and feel His love.
I am
grateful they are learning how to recognize the Lord’s love. So many
young people struggle to know. Recently, Father Val J. Peter from Boys
Town America spoke at a statewide conference for the American Mothers.
His institution works with about 37,000 troubled youth who feel, as he
said, that they have “run out of people who love them.” He said that
these youth define themselves by what they wear. Their only identity is
the name brand of their clothes. They have no identity in relationships.
We want our youth to feel loved in this most important relationship with
their Father in Heaven.
I now ask
young women everywhere I go how they know of His love. These are some of
their responses: “I pray to Him and He answers.” “I think and hope He
loves me, but I don’t know. I want to know.” “He’s given me a lot of
blessings, forgiveness, family, Atonement.” “I feel it in my heart.” “I
feel safe and protected. “Other churches focus on not being worthy; ours
focuses on being loved.” “He blessed me with a good family and friends;
His spirit calms me.” “I’ve had sickness and trial, and Heavenly Father
comforted me through everything.”
The answers
of my children and these young women confirm my thoughts. We can know
and feel of Heavenly Father’s love for us in many ways. Here are several
of the most important ways. Let me briefly discuss each.
Seven ways we know of our Father in Heaven’s love for us.
- When He
blesses us. When we count our blessings we prepare our hearts for
revelation. Remembering our blessings invites the Spirit into our
lives. It says in
Moroni 10:3–4, “That ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath
been unto the children of men . . . and ponder it in your
hearts . . . and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real
intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto
you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.”
- When we
read the scriptures. Elder Neal A. Maxwell said simply, “How can we
know that God is aware of us and loves us? He tells us by the
scriptures—likewise, by our honestly counting the blessings and
bestowals of His grace in our lives. Most of all, He tells us by the
still, small voice of the Spirit” (Ensign, November 2002, 18).
- When we
pray. “Wherefore, . . . pray unto the Father with all the energy of
heart, that ye may be filled with this love” (Moroni
7:48).
- When we
keep our covenants. The people at the waters of Mormon learned, “What
have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness
before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will
serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit
more abundantly upon you?” (Mosiah
18:10).
- When we
experience the peace of nature. This earth is God’s gift to us to
“gladden our hearts” and “enliven our souls” (D&C
59:18–19). It is a place where we can find peace and “be still and
know that I am God” (D&C
101:16). This is one of the reasons we want the young women to
have a “camp” experience.
- When we
are surrounded by family members and other caring loved ones.
President Kimball said, “God does notice us, and He watches over us.
But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs” (Ensign,
December 1974, 5).
- When we
go through trials and receive comfort. In
Romans 5:3–5 we read, “But we glory in tribulations also: knowing
that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and
experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God
is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto
us.”
The common
thread in all of these things is that we feel God’s love when we feel
the Spirit. “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we
are the children of God” (Romans
8:16). We know of Heavenly Father’s love for us when the Spirit
testifies of it to our souls.
Why is it crucial for our young women to know of God’s love for them?
If young
women know of God’s love for them, they will know they have a mission to
perform in this life. They will have confidence in their ability to make
responsible, righteous decisions. They will be able to resist
temptation, to flee from worldly things, to dress modestly as is
becoming of a divine daughter of God. Because they understand their true
identity they will be able to reach out in love to others, recognizing
the divinity in them as well as themselves. They will be filled with the
Spirit and learn to recognize how it feels, so they can rely upon it for
guidance and comfort. It will sustain them through life’s inevitable
transitions and trials.
Moses
learned these very lessons as he encountered God and spoke with Him face
to face. He learned who he was and that he had a mission to perform.
Let’s look in the scriptures in Moses Chapter 1:
Vs. 1:
”Caught up into an exceedingly high mountain” (away from the world and
worldliness)
Vs. 2: “Saw God face to face” (had an undeniable spiritual experience)
Vs. 4: “thou art my son” (learns his true identity)
Vs. 6: “I have a work for thee” (a plan, a purpose, a mission); “thou
art in the similitude of mine Only Begotten” (we are and can be like
Him)
Vs. 11: “My natural eyes could not have beheld . . . his face, for I
was transfigured” (could only have this experience with God’s glory
upon him)
Vs. 12: “Satan came tempting him” (Satan targets the righteous)
Vs. 14: “I can look upon thee in the natural man” (realizes Satan has
no glory)
Vs. 15: “I can judge between thee and God” (capable of making a
righteous judgment)
Vs. 16: “Get thee hence, Satan” (first rebuke)
Vs. 18: “I will not cease to call upon God, . . . I can
judge, . . . Depart hence” (prays; second rebuke)
Vs. 19: “Satan . . . ranted upon the earth . . . saying: I am the Only
Begotten” (Satan tries to deceive)
Vs. 20: “Moses began to fear. . . . Nevertheless, calling upon God, he
received strength, . . . Depart from me, Satan” (prays for strength;
third rebuke)
Vs. 21: “Depart hence” (fourth rebuke)
Vs. 24: Moses was “filled with the Holy Ghost” (comforted)
Vs. 25-26: “Blessed art thou, . . . I . . . have chosen thee, . . . I
am with thee” (again reminded of his divine identity and mission)
Moses’
experience provides a model for us. Like Moses each young woman needs to
know who she is, that she is a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father with
a purpose and mission in this life. President Hinckley reiterated this
when he spoke directly to them:
“How
marvelous a thing it is to contemplate that each of you is a daughter of
God, a girl with a divine birthright and a divine destiny. . . .
“I wish
you—each of you, wherever you are—to know that you are loved. You are
loved by your Father in Heaven, of whose divine nature you have
partaken. And He desires that His Holy Spirit will be near you wherever
you go if you will invite it and cultivate it.
“There is
something of divinity within each of you. You have such tremendous
potential with that quality as a part of your inherited nature. Every
one of you was endowed by your Father in Heaven with a tremendous
capacity to do good in the world. Train your minds and your hands that
you may be equipped to serve well in the society of which you are a
part. Cultivate the art of being kind, of being thoughtful, of being
helpful. Refine within you the quality of mercy which comes as a part of
the divine attributes you have inherited.
“Some of you
may feel that you are not as attractive and beautiful and glamorous as
you would like to be. Rise above any such feelings, cultivate the light
you have within you, and it will shine through as a radiant expression
that will be seen by others.
“You need
never feel inferior. You need never feel that you were born without
talents or without opportunities to give them expression. Cultivate
whatever talents you have, and they will grow and refine and become an
expression of your true self appreciated by others.
“In summary,
try a little harder to measure up to the divine within each of you”
(Ensign, May 1995, 99).
How can we teach them to know and feel Heavenly Father’s love?
We can help
young women “measure up to the divine within” so they, like Moses, can
resist temptation, make righteous choices and fulfill their divine
missions. Let me discuss four specific ways we can teach them to know
and feel Heavenly Father’s love: (1) strengthen families, (2) provide
other caring friends of all ages, (3) prepare them with skills, (4)
teach private religious behaviors of praying, scripture reading, and
keeping covenants.
Strengthen
families. An understanding of their divine identity can best come from
strong and loving families. Our four-year-old grandson and his family
lived with us this summer. One day the neighbor boy had been mean to him
while they were playing. Later as we drove somewhere in the car, Tanner
was lamenting to us that this boy didn’t like him. As we tried to
console him we talked about the many friends he had left behind in New
York. “Yes,” he said, “they are all my friends. But my best friends are
Daddy and Mommy and Jane” (his little sister). Tanner was right.
In an ideal
world, every child would be able to say that his family members are his
best friends. As auxiliary leaders we must do everything we can to
assist our priesthood leaders in strengthening families. True identity
will more surely be recognized by young people who know love and have
the security of the priesthood sealing power of the temple. If they do
not have these blessings now in their lives, we must give them the
vision of that possibility. They need to see that they can strengthen
their current homes and prepare to have eternally bonded families of
their own.
Elizabeth, a
16-year-old convert, was recently baptized into the Church. Her family
life was dysfunctional, but she was good and sweet beyond measure. She
wanted a good home in the future, but worried because she was not sure
how to do it. Her Young Women leaders became her role models and voices
of instruction and inspiration for her. One night she had a vivid yet
simple dream which projected into her future. She saw herself picking up
her own two little children from their Primary classes. She woke up
ecstatic with the possibility that she could actually be involved in the
Church in her future, nurturing her own children in the gospel. You
loving leaders can model righteous families for those who do not come
from strong homes.
Provide
other caring friends. Other loved ones beyond family members can help
young people know who they really are. President Hinckley has said that
all of us need a friend, a responsibility, and nurturing with the good
word of God. (Ensign, November 1997, 51)
We often
talk about the transitions these young women are making as they grow
into adulthood. In these times of change they are particularly
vulnerable. Tanner, our grandson, felt vulnerable as he left New York
and all of his little friends. He needed other people to love him and
help him through this time. These young women also need caring
friendships. If they have the foundational knowledge of who they are,
they will be less vulnerable. They will be able to sustain that
knowledge if they are surrounded by love. Primary leaders, Young Women
leaders, Relief Society leaders, bishops, grandparents, aunts, uncles,
neighbors all need to reach out to care for our youth.
At the
American Mothers conference held this month I saw a powerful example of
a community of people strengthening one another. A Tongan choir sang. It
was made up of people of all ages. It was established so that the older
people could unite with the younger ones and teach them about their
heritage and thus preserve their culture and language in the minds and
hearts of their offspring. They were joyous and comfortable together.
I believe
that we should follow their pattern, that we should gather together our
young sisters with our older sisters, that we should learn from one
another and enjoy each other. I recently read an article by a Christian
mother, Mardi Keyes, telling about the 20th century “invention” of
adolescence. Prior to this time families worked and played together,
learned from each other, enjoyed each other. She says:
“When all
ages rubbed shoulders together throughout the day, it was assumed that
the young would quite naturally and unselfconsciously grow up into
maturity through observing and relating to adults in many casual
settings” (“Youth Culture and Growing Up, Part Two,” Critique, 2000, 9).
“The changes in size, sexual maturity and intellectual capability
associated with the teen years were viewed as milestones of progress
toward competent adulthood, rather than a cause for crisis and alarm”
(“Youth Culture and Growing Up, Part One,” Critique, 2000, 10).
We will help
our young women know of Heavenly Father’s love for them as we surround
them with loving adults. Our church programs provide safe places to
gather together in Mutual and Home, Family, and Personal Enrichment
meetings. These meetings can be profitably used to build caring
relationships and to prepare youth with life skills.
Help them
develop talents and skills. As young people develop skills and talents
they will grow in confidence. Their added self-worth will help them
understand Heavenly Father’s love for them as well. With their growing
homemaking skills, provident living skills, leadership skills, and
developing talents they will be more temporally self-reliant. They will
be able to reach out to others, acting upon their compassionate natures,
better appreciating the divinity within others around them.
I’ve seen
the happy faces of a group of young women who learned to make pillow
cases. Some of them just couldn’t believe they had done it. I’ve seen
youth lose themselves in a ward garden—planting, pulling weeds, and
harvesting. They were astounded that vegetables didn’t just come from
the store. Then they shared tomatoes, squash, and potatoes with others.
Teach
private religious behavior. As our youth come to know their Heavenly
Father through prayer, scripture reading, and covenant-keeping they will
feel His love. Personal Progress is one of the tools in the Young Women
program that helps teach spiritual self-reliance. Too often we get
caught up in the mechanics of the program. Tired parents and leaders
sigh as they think of this as just one more thing to nag the girls
about. Instead they should understand that Personal Progress provides a
rich opportunity for girls to read the scriptures with a purpose in mind
and to write about and discuss (with caring adults) the things they have
learned and felt. These are testimony moments. They are also learning to
make and keep goals which will help them make and keep covenants. These
foundational spiritual skills will help them feel Heavenly Father’s
love.
So we must
not only say with our Young Women every week, “we are daughters of our
Heavenly Father who loves us,” we must also teach it. We must model and
love, talk and testify. As the song says, “How will they know unless we
teach them so?”
How will
they know, the ones for whom we care,
That God is love and with us everywhere,
That life is good, with blessings all can share?
How will they know unless we teach them so?
How will
they learn that, though they go astray,
God will forgive and help them find the way?
How will they feel the Spirit day by day?
How will they know unless we teach them so?
How will
they grow in wisdom and delight?
How will they choose to follow what is right?
How can they trust the future will be bright?
How will they know unless we show them?
How will
they live when they at last are grown?
What will they give to children of their own?
Will they reflect the values we have shown?
How will they know, as on through life they go?
How will they know unless we strive to teach them so?
(Children’s Songbook, pp. 182–185)
Overwhelmed Leaders
Now a final
word to you wonderful leaders. Thank you for teaching young women to
know their divine identity. Your callings are so crucial and thrilling,
but also challenging.
Last spring during the Open House I attended one of the Young Women
workshops on how to be a faithful leader. I happened to sit by a leader
who was sighing loudly with each point that was made. So I struck up a
whispered conversation with her.
Me:
“What’s your calling?”
Her: “Young Women President.”
Me: “How long have you been in?”
Her: “Two weeks.”
Me: (encouragingly) “It’s so overwhelming at first, but I know you can
do it!”
Her: (tearfully) “How? My husband died six months ago, so I’ve had to
go back to work full time to support myself and my three children.”
Me: “I suppose your bishop is aware of all of this?”
Her: “Yes.”
Me: “Then I know you can do it. There must be a special reason that
you are needed, why you were called. The Spirit will help you know
what that is. Do you have good counselors?”
Her: “The best!”
Me: “Then delegate everything that you don’t have to do yourself.
Heavenly Father will bless all of you. He doesn’t call us to fail. And
He cares much more than we do about His daughters. As President
Hinckley always says, ‘We just have to do the best we can.’”
Even though
I tried to be encouraging and positive with this leader, I have
continued to worry for her and for all of you, because an assignment in
Young Women is a constant and demanding calling. To add to the general
busyness of the calling, you are usually asked to do it at a time in
your life when your personal and family life is at its height of
complexity. When I was first asked to be a Young Women president, I had
three children under the age of three and my husband was working full
time at odd jobs and writing his dissertation. Years later when I was
called to be the stake Young Women president, the children were at the
height of their teen years, involved in lessons, sports, and other
extra-curricular activities, and my husband was the stake president of a
BYU student stake. Calls are rarely convenient. I well remember feeling
overwhelmed at times by my Young Women callings.
When I was
called to my current assignment, my husband and I were “empty-nesters”
for the first time. Even though it was quieter at our home than I liked,
it was appropriately serene for me as I studied and pondered and worked
to learn my new responsibilities. My husband, my greatest support,
prepared soup, cheese toast, and other simple delicacies for dinner
every night to further ease my home load.
After nine
months of quiet hard work, my at-home challenges began. Most of our
family of thirteen—children, spouses, and grandchildren—were with us
again all summer. In and of itself that made life hectic with meals,
laundry, and schedules. Add to that two broken down cars, a broken
dryer, a flooded basement, a broken swamp cooler, two toilets not
working, a computer on the blink, some black eyes, some stitches, some
broken ribs, and four babies with croup, not to mention a myriad of
typical emotional problems. These are the kinds of things that mothers
deal with all the time. I am used to that, but I wasn’t used to it in
conjunction with the busy calling that I was doing.
All of a
sudden I remembered the overwhelmed Young Women president that I had
talked to last spring. I felt like Heavenly Father was giving me the
opportunity to empathize and understand first hand what she (and so many
of you) are going through. I felt overwhelmed, too. So I asked myself
what I was learning and relearning through this experience that might
help me and help each of you. Elder Robert D. Hales said, “Each of us
must go through certain experiences to become more like our Savior. In
the school of mortality, the tutor is often pain and tribulation, but
the lessons are meant to refine and bless us and strengthen us, not to
destroy us” (Ensign, May 2003, 17). I wrote down some things that I felt
I was learning.
First, my
greatest source of peace comes from my personal religious behavior,
praying, reading scriptures, meditating. It is always crucial to make
time for this.
Second, the
family is always under attack, because it is “central to the Creator’s
plan” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995,
102). It is eternal and the most important unit in this life. We will be
released from our current callings, but we will never be released from
our most important callings in our families as wives and mothers.
Third,
dedication (consecrating our whole selves) requires the whole heart. In
these calls we must learn to balance, but we must give as Paul gave,
keeping “back nothing” (Acts 20:20). There are so many wonderful
examples of Young Women leaders who kept back nothing.
I’m reminded
of Ruth May Fox, the third Young Women general president. Her motto was,
“the Kingdom of God or nothing” (Janet Peterson and LaRene Gaunt,
Keepers of the Flame [1993], 49). From beginning to end her life was not
easy. Her mother died when she was a baby, so she stayed in numerous
homes before she was eight years old. She walked all of the way to the
Salt Lake Valley because there was no room in their wagon for an
occasional ride. She had little chance for the formal schooling that she
would have loved. In her marriage there were trials—failed businesses,
three of their twelve children died, a surprise second wife. And if
anyone could have felt overwhelmed by callings in the Church, she might
have when she served for six years simultaneously as a ward YLMIA
president and also as a member of the General YLMIA Board. But she saw
it as an “opportunity for growth and service beyond [her] fondest
dreams” (Keepers of the Flame, 49). She was dedicated with her whole
heart to the Lord. She said, “The gospel has meant everything to me. It
has been my very breath, my mantle of protection against temptation, my
consolation in sorrow, my joy and glory through out all my days, and my
hope of eternal life. The Kingdom of God or nothing has been my motto”
(Keepers of the Flame, 49).
Fourth, our
service is a great blessing, not just a sacrifice, for our families. We
should share the joys we feel as we serve. (Be careful about constant
complaints.) We should testify to our families of the little miracles
that bless us along the way. I was blessed by such a miracle recently.
We were
involved in planning a cultural event for the youth in Africa. One of
our specialists felt impressed that we should use a Christian song
called, “A Plea for Africa.” He first learned of it from his mother who
had heard it sung by a youth choir when she visited Ghana. He asked his
mother if she had a copy of the music, which she thought she did. But it
wasn’t in the folder where she usually kept it. Even without the music
he still felt we should use it. That very week in his home ward
sacrament meeting, he met a man who was from Africa. Our specialist
asked him if he was by chance from Ghana, which he was. He asked if by
chance he knew of this song, which he did. In fact he had sung it in a
youth choir several years ago for some visitors to their country (to his
mother, in fact). Then the African man said, “Before I got on the
airplane I felt that for some reason I should bring this music with me.
Here it is for you!”
Telling this
miracle to my family not only helped them and me feel the great joy that
comes in serving the Lord, but it also helped me realize another thing I
had learned which is to trust in the Lord.
Fifth, learn
to trust, to have faith in Heavenly Father. Remember the prayers that
have been answered. When the Lord wants us to do His work, He will
provide a way, as He did with our youth event for Africa.
Sixth, the
Atonement of Jesus Christ is the only way we make it through our trials.
After all we can do, we have to rely on His strength. “Fear thou not;
for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen
thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand
of my righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10).
In a sense I
felt I was counting my blessings as I assessed my “learnings.” This
opened my heart to the Spirit. I felt calmer as I saw Heavenly Father’s
hand in my life and felt His love for me. My situation didn’t change,
but I felt strengthened as I tried to renew my faith. This can be true
for you, too, and for the young women with whom you work.
I know that
when we humbly seek Him, He answers our prayers; He feels after us; He
heals us and then charges us to again be about His business of feeding
His sheep.
“Be thou
humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee
answer to thy prayers. . . . And after their temptations, and much
tribulation, behold, I, the Lord, will feel after them, and if they
harden not their hearts, and stiffen not their necks against me, they
shall be converted, and I will heal them. Now, I say unto
you . . . Arise and gird up your loins, take up your cross, follow me,
and feed my sheep” (D&C 112:10, 13–14, italics added).
I pray for
His blessings to be upon you in your thrilling, challenging assignments.
As you are strengthened, upheld, and healed, I pray you will feed His
sheep and help them to know of His love. This is His work, and it is our
glorious privilege to be His instruments, in the name of Jesus Christ,
amen
Leadership
Home |
